“Did Someone get murdered in our room?”
“The door lock doesnt work and theres blood on the wall and my wife is kind of freaking out…”
…”The flip latch is off because we had to break it when a 3 year old locked herself in the room. Im not sure about the blood, but no, nobody has been murdered here. Ill be right down to clean the wall.”
“Oh Ok. So nobody has died here?”
…”Not in awhile no.”
It was cola. Someone had set a can down to hard and it popped up into the lampshade and on the wall. BIG difference.
Lady comes down to the desk last night flipping out at poor Lisa about her screen. She had told me Friday that her screen was not in her window. Explained to her that it most likely wouldnt be replaced as I didnt have a maintenance guy over the weekend this weekend. So shes flipping out on Lisa, then comes down this morning and flips out at me. I looked at her “Did you not get the part where I have no maintenance guy this weekend? You CAN open your window if you want. Or you can put the AC unit on. There are no bugs out yet its not warm enough.”
“HUH! I want a discount you need to fix my bill.”
…”No. And your waffles are burning. Thats what that beeping is in the breakfast room.”
“Where’s the other outlet mall?”
…There is no other outlet mall.
“Where is the other mall?”
…The next closest is the boulevard mall. Make a left and go straight down, 18 kilometers or 12 miles.
“And that is an outlet mall?”
…NO…..Its a regular mall.
“SO WHERE IS THE OTHER OUTLET MALL?”
…THERE IS NOT ANOTHER OUTLET MALL> THAT IS A REGULAR MALL.
“I need the address”
…JUST MAKE A LEFT> GO STRAIGHT> ITS ON THE LEFT>HALF AN HOUR
“I cannot take the highway? To go faster?”
Yes. Right back to Canada.
…”How was your stay?”
“Your lightbulbs gave me a sunburn!”
“THOSE! The curly lightbulbs give off UV radiation! My wife is sunburnt!”
…”Ummm…. I dont think….”
“YES! They are re-assessing all of them in Canada”
…”Sir those are fluorescent lights…”
“You should use INCANDESCENT”
…”But these save energy….”
I have a lot of friends who work in hotels or used to. My friend Jamie Travale experienced this one :
It was either late fall or early spring when a stout, well-dressed business man in his (late?) 50’s entered the front doors of the hotel carrying a briefcase. (My point; not born yesterday.)
He shouts across the lobby, “What the hell is this?!” and motions to the outdoors.
Confused, I look and answer, “Snow?”
Approaching the desk (still shouting) he yells, “In October/March?!” – I don’t recall which it was but it was a time when we here in Buffalo do expect to see some snow.
“Yes sir,” I reply, “Here in Buffalo, we get snow this time of year.”
“Hmmgrgh,” he grumbles, “Will there be some sort of discount for this?”
NOTE: It was relatively light snow.
Yes, of course; our Snowstorm Special…also called, the rack rate.
Visit Jamie when she does stand up comedy or at http://www.jamietravale.com