Too long

My boss’ son comes home from school today and tells his mother that she needs to buy him Cologne. He is 8. He said the gym teacher told them all that they stink after gym class.

Deodorant. Not cologne. You give a bunch of 8 year old boys cologne and they are going to collectively smell like a french whorehouse.


“How far are you from the Casino?”
…”7 Miles.”
“So thats what? 3 or 4 blocks?”
….”No. It’s 91 blocks.”


Ha! It only took me fifteen minutes of touching every song on the cloud to find the “download all” button.

GENIUS! hurr durr.


I wish Sadie would let me vacuum her instead of having to vacuum the carpet, the furniture, the walls, the kitchen floor, the ceiling and me. Oh and changing the sheets everyday and washing all the blankets and having a sticky roller in the car, in the bathroom in my purse and at work. 


They just keep coming.

“Where is Niagara Falls?”
…”Downtown in the park.”
“Yeah we were there. We saw the American Falls and the Horseshoe falls but not NIAGARA FALLS”
…”Ma’am that IS Niagara Falls. Its kind of hard to explain but the name is more based on the two cities than the falls themselves. Kind of.”
“So I cant SEE Niagara Falls?”

WHYYYYYY??? Are you guys sending people here to screw with me or what?


“I need a discount. I’m REALLY good friends with the owners of the hotel.”
Mike… “I Own the hotel. I’ve never seen you before in my life. Take a hike.”


In line at tim horrors listening to these assholes order. “I need a box of timbits. Half cherry.”

“Ok ma’am and what else ”

“God! Just Half cherry!”

Bitch I’d be stuffing those cherry donuts up your nose if I worked here, be nice!



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